Divorce Advice For Women

3 Crucial Steps

You Are Ready!

You’ve cried more tears than you thought were humanly possible. The divorce roller coaster took off, and you’ve white-knuckled your way through the ride– but it’s time. You might feel shaky and a little beat up, but you’re dead set on taking the steps forward to move on and heal. You’re ready to take your life back.

Getting to this point is different for everyone. For some people, they might not be ready until the nitty-gritty is taken care of and firmly behind them. It can be hard looking forward when you’re still working out child custody arrangements, redistribution of assets, financial obligations and more. Others are itching to begin despite the divorce details being up in the air. Wherever you are in this process, you’re in the right place. As soon as you feel strong enough to let go of your old story, you’ll have the space to create a new one– a life you build for yourself.

If you’ve let go of your old identity as a wife, then you’re ready for the 3 crucial steps I use with my clients to heal and move on from divorce. Each step builds a map that clarifies where you want to go and how to get there. It positions you to steer your life in the direction you choose. It puts you in control. As you follow this map an exciting future full of confidence, strength, and empowerment awaits. This is the audit I use to help my clients heal and reclaim their power.

Sometimes taking the wrong turn brings us to the right place
The map to move forward from your divorce can seem deceptively simple. It’s important to know that as you make strides your confidence may slip. You’ll get angry and sad. You might take 5 giant steps forward, then stall, go backward, fall down, and get lost. It’s more of an obstacle course than a straight path; there’s progression and regression throughout. You might believe you’ve conquered Step 1, then find out you made a wrong turn. Multiple times. It’s perfectly normal, so be kind to yourself. Have patience. The map we’re going to use to help you move forward isn’t the actual territory– it’s a guide to help you put one foot in front of the other towards the life you want. You might not feel like you’ve made any ground, but when you look back you’ll see how far you’ve come.

Step 1: Where You’ve Been

You probably feel like you know this step inside and out. From the time your relationship broke down, you’ve rehashed every conversation, every argument, every mistake made with your ex. Step 1 isn’t about wallowing in self-pity or blaming your ex-partner for the failure of the marriage. This step is about taking an objective look at who you were when you were married. It’s about examining the beliefs you had about the relationship. Are you looking back on your marriage clearly? Do you feel like a victim? Are you holding false beliefs about what was really going on between you and your ex?

I use specific tools to help my clients reflect and review the relationship. We reframe their perspective. They adopt a new way of seeing that lets them claim their power back. With my Relationship Review, you take off the rose-coloured glasses and see the truth. When this shift happens, everything changes. The healing process picks up momentum, and the map to a bright new future starts to take shape. Take some time to reflect on where you’ve been. Write down your thoughts and feelings about the relationship. What part did you play as the intimacy and bond dissolved? It’s important to look deep within your heart; it’s vital you look in the mirror and be truthful with yourself. Then, as you take responsibility for your actions, your heart and confidence will mend. You’ll be ready to begin Step 2.

Step 2: Where You Are
Where are you right now? How are you filling your days and more importantly, what self-talk are you using with yourself? You want to examine the thoughts you’re having right now in the present moment. It’s common to have a negative voice lurking in your mind, blaming you and making you feel small. This isn’t the truth. If you do the tough work through Step 1, this skewed view of yourself will change. There will be hard lessons to swallow, but you’ll feel empowered knowing you’re in charge of your happiness.

It might be shocking when you realise how much space is taken up by thoughts of your ex. For a long time, you functioned as a pair or a family. Your mind was filled with thoughts about your partner and how their actions impacted your daily life. Now that you’re single, it’s important you break that habit. If you have children you’ll still think about your ex-partner’s handling of the kids, but it shouldn’t use up your energy. This is your time for you– it’s your opportunity to rekindle a relationship with yourself. With my clients, I guide them to remain in the present moment with tools like journaling and meditation that refresh and renew their mindset. They gain confidence knowing they have the choice to be happy right now. Walking into a future you’re content with depends on knowing where you are, so you can adjust your steering and sail in the right direction.

Step 3: Where You Want To Go

Step 3 is incredibly exciting. This is the dream destination that you’ve always wanted for yourself. As you orient yourself in Step 2, you’ll clear yourself a path to a bright and hopeful future. Once you know where you are, explore the possibilities for what can come next. Ask yourself what you would do if money wasn’t an obstacle. Would you open a charming little B&B where you cook up delicious dishes for your guests? Would you write that novel you’ve always dreamed of? Would you travel to exotic places? Get your Master’s Degree? Reverse engineer the goals you have, and break them down into small steps. Then tackle each step on the map to your new, fulfilled life.  

My job as your Divorce Coach is moving you towards independence and supporting you through the divorce process. I’ll lift you up and help you achieve everything you’ve always wanted. With my clients, we create a detailed map with special tactics that make it easier to achieve the life you were meant to live. Plus, you’ll have someone on your side who’s been there. You’ll have someone who understands the emotional, financial, and mental impact of this transition; the troubles you can find with your ex, your children, your family, and your lawyers.  It involves shifting your mindset with neuro-linguistic programming, taking accountability, and finding the courage to face what’s ahead. Then, as our online community gathers we help each other succeed. As you work through this healing obstacle course, it’s important you have a solid support network that understands the divorce process. It’s nearly impossible for people who’ve never been through a divorce to truly “get” the pain, fear, and confusion you’re dealing with. Without a solid plan in place and someone to guide you, you can suffer for an unnecessary length of time. You might barely keep your head above water.  

As your Divorce Coach, I’ll show you the path to your empowered new life, and give you the exact steps to get there. It begins with an audit that goes through these 3 steps together. We’ll bring your healing, your confidence, and goals into focus, so you can wake up excited to take part in your life. Whether you’re set right now, or you need to shed a few more tears, I’m here whenever you’re ready.

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Divorce is tough, but if you take the time you need to heal and surround yourself with a strong support network and professional help, you will thrive. There’s an empowered life full of strength and confidence waiting for you when you’re ready. Take all the time you need.

If you’re ready to rewrite your story and take back control of your life, schedule a free 20 minute chat. Rebuild an independent, empowered life full of passion and confidence today.

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